Labour Party leader, Jeremy Corbyn, has told The Whitechapel Whelk that celebrated actor, Hugh Grant, is living in a small shed on his allotment in Islington, North London, where the Love Actually star exists by foraging for vegetables on neighbouring plots and selling them from a barrow in a nearby market.
Speaking to us from his North London home last night, Corbyn told us: “Hugh Grant has fallen on hard times of late, the offers have dried up and I felt a bit sorry for him, so I let him live on my allotment for a nominal fee.
“In exchange, he does a bit of weeding and oils the lawnmower, that sort of thing. I was unaware that he’s been stealing from other plots but I’m ok with that in all honesty.
“The socialist doctrine teaches us that all property is theft, so if he’s making a few bob selling other people’s fruit and veg down the market then it’s all good as far as I’m concerned. I might insist on a cut though. It won’t be much mind you. I just want to wet my beak”
Grant’s old friend and co-star in the smash hit Bridget Jones movies, Colin Firth, expressed surprise at his actor buddy’s plight last night: “I’m sorry to hear that Hugh’s struggling, but I have a half plot on that allotment and if I find he’s been nicking my veg I’ll boot him up the arse like I did in that really gay dust-up we had in Bridget Jones’ Diary”
Jeremy Corbyn received a nominal sum for speaking to us, which he has assured us, may, or may not, be donated to a good cause of his choice at some vague, unspecified point in the future.