‘Being a ticket inspector on the Sicilian rail network can be an arduous and often life-threatening job.
‘Take last Tuesday when I was manning the barrier at Carlone North Station, an area renowned for mob killings and bloody inter-family vendettas.
‘I spotted ‘Fat’ Tony Marzetti, consiglieri for the Bonano family, approaching the barrier.
‘He produced an over-70s free pass before marching through and boarding a train.
‘Something didn’t feel right, so I checked the Sicilian register of births and deaths, and quickly established that he was only 69.
‘I quickly boarded the train and spotted him in the corridor, about to enter a 1st class compartment.
‘I slipped a garotte around his neck and tightened it with all the force I could muster until I felt his body go limp.
‘As the train slowly pulled away, I opened a carriage door and pushed his lifeless body out onto the line going west.
‘Before clocking off from my shift, I called my station master who told me that he’d arrange for the body to be collected and dumped out a sea by a sardine boat’
Next Week: Monte Barmy slits the windpipe of a Mafia chieftain he suspects of consuming his own food in a first-class compartment contrary to railway regulations.
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