I recently purchased one of those small, car vacuum cleaners to use on the carpets, mats and trim on my little hatchback, but when I switched it on it began smoking and eventually blew a fuse. I took it back to the shop but the manager was quite rude and refused me a refund, claiming that I must have caused the problem myself through misuse of the item.
I wonder if you could help me with this one Danny as I’m a single mum with two little ones and I can ill afford to throw good money away.
I went round to the manager’s house last night and gave him a solid right uppercut to the jaw. I then “went downstairs” and worked his lower body with a few powerful shots around the ribcage. This seemed to sicken him, and as he doubled up under the barrage, I landed a couple of concussive right crosses to his jaw before putting his lights out with a real peach of a roundhouse left-hander to the temple
Just to get the job properly squared away I then went in with the boot, giving him a few quality toe-enders to the solar plexus. I then turned him over and stamped on his kidneys a few times which he didn’t like one little bit. Just to finish the job, I pulled out a Stanley blade and gave him a few stripes on both cheeks of his arse as a little souvenir present.
I then stole his wallet and bagged up a few valuables from his house which I will flog down the market before sending you the proceeds so you can treat the kids.
Just for good measure, I stamped on his face on the way out, giving him the old 5 millimetre tread.
Hopefully this has been of some help to you Tracy. Please don’t hesitate to get in touch if you have any further problems with this arseole further down the line.
All the very best sweetheart
Danny Sparko appears courtesy of: The Concussive Clumpings Consumer Rights Council