fat american
Mr. Clancy pictured knowing his rights earlier today

A 57-year-old man from Kentucky in The United States has taken out a lawsuit against a small pie and mash shop in the East End of London, claiming that he sustained neck trauma injuries – known as whiplash – following a visit to the eaterie in June of this year.

Mr Hal Clancy, who was visiting the UK as a tourist, told reporters: “I guess it was about two months after I arrived back home when I started to get a slight pain in the back of my neck. My wife Dolores told me it was just a little stiffness due to a change in the weather but I knew different. I was just as sure as hell that I was suffering from a delayed reaction from having to turn my head to give the waitress my order in that damn place. I know my rights and I intend to sue those limey sonsofbitches for every last cent. It’s not that we need the money, I just don’t want anybody else to have to endure what I’ve gone through. No siree.”

Alfred Bayliss, 45, the proprietor of Alfie’s Pie & Mash Palace in Whitechapel, East London, responded: “I don’t remember the gentleman to be honest with you. We had so many tourists visit us last summer. I’m sorry to hear that the poor bloke’s having problems, but I’m pretty sure it’s nothing to do with us. Perhaps he slept in a draught or something.”

When told that Mr. Bayliss would be contesting the suit and that no court in The United Kingdom would countenance such a spurious claim, Mr. Clancy became angry and told our reporter “I don’t give a damn what they do in Limeyville, the whole damn place is full of fags and communists anyway. This is Kentucky and I’m telling you I know my goddamn rights!”

This latest case come just three weeks after another American, Mrs. Mildred Gugenheim from New Jersey, lost her case against a whelk stall in Bethnal Green, East London, after claiming a plate of winkles she bought two years ago caused her to suffer from depression and brought on a sustained bout of vaginal dryness.

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