In a survey of London’s underworld, it has emerged that Canadian pop sensation, Justin Bieber, is the celebrity that gangsters would most like to subject to torture.
Bieber, 11, just pipped pop entrepreneur, Simon Cowell, and fellow irritant, Piers Morgan, in the poll which took in over 300 shady nightclubs and illegal gambling dens in the heart of London’s notorious East End.
One of those polled, “Maltese Billy” Drago, told us “It was a pretty tough choice to make to be perfectly honest with you. I mean to say, who wouldn’t relish the prospect of giving Simon Cowell a good striping with a butcher’s knife, or the opportunity of crucifying Piers Morgan on a snooker table? In the end though, I had to go with Bieber. The boy’s absolutely crying out to have his balls crushed in a vice while his teeth are being dragged out of his mouth with a pair of mole grips”
A spokesperson for Bieber’s record company said last night “Justin’s understandably a bit upset to discover that he’s the celeb that London’s underworld most want to hospitalise, but at the same time he fully accepts that it’s the price that sometimes has to be paid for being such an irritating, talentless, little turd”