rocket
An artists impression of how the crashed rocket would have looked amongst Mr Tracy’s beetroots

A 73-year-old man from Whitechapel in East London has told The Whelk of his surprise when he arrived at his allotment yesterday afternoon and found the rocket launched by North Korea on Friday stuck in the ground on his beetroot patch.

Mr Derek Tracy, a retired foundry worker, told us: “The wife and I were planning to do a bit of weeding and general tidying up on the allotment on Sunday afternoon, so you can imagine our surprise when we noticed a North Korean rocket stuck in the ground amongst our beetroots. It was fairly small at around 3 feet in length but it was definitely North Korean because it had a picture of Kim Yong-un on the side. We often find the odd rocket lying around after bonfire night but you don’t expect this sort of thing do you? The wife and I pulled it out of the ground and threw it over the fence into the plot next door. The bloke who rents that one is a miserable sod, so let him deal with the bloody thing”

A spokesperson for The Whitechapel Allotment Society told us last night: “We look upon this as a deliberate act of unprovoked aggression and one we take extremely seriously. We will be imposing sanctions on North Korea at our next AGM to ensure that none of the fruit and veg from any of our lotties is exported to Pyong Yang until we receive a full apology”

This incident comes just two weeks after a woman from neighbouring Bethnal Green had her allotment shed invaded by ISIS and her rhubarb beheaded and left strewn over her small pond area.

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