dianatread depth gauge

She may no longer be with us…but this tread depth gauge is!

 

We at The Whitechapel Mint are delighted to offer you the chance to purchase any number of these lovingly-crafted, commemorative, vehicle tyre tread depth gauges, either in six easy installments, or via a one-off payment offering absolutely no discount whatsoever.

Fashioned from the purest low-grade iron ore by our world-renowned team of Somali asylum seekers, these beautiful little gauges will grace any sideboard or garage wall and serve as a fitting tribute to our beloved Princess Of Hearts, so cruelly taken from us on that dreadful night back in 1990 something.

Each gauge comes with it’s own genuine plastic pouch with a picture of Princess Di stuck to it. We can also vouch for the functionality of each piece, which will accurately measure – give or take a few inches – the depth of your tyre tread, so that you can ensure each groove is at least 2mm deep, or whatever the limit is these days.

We are convinced you will be absolutely delighted with your purchase, so much so that we offer a no quibble, money back guarantee if you inform us of any problem, in writing, within 10 minutes of delivery.

Stocks are limited so order yours now to avoid missing out on this never- to- be- repeated offer. Simply bring a bankers draft for £2000 or a bag of untraceable Kruger Rands round to our offices at The Lord Rodney’s Head public house in Whitechapel East London, where one of our sales team will be only to happy to take your money before sidling out into the street with his collar turned up.

Testimonial: “I bought 4 of these magnificent little gauges – one for each wheel – and mistakenly thought they were accurate. I then drove down the motorway on bald tyres during an ice storm and collided with a 20 tonne lorry and was killed instantly. I can’t recommend them enough. Thanks Whitechapel Mint” – Marvin Horse-Linctus, Millwall Docks.

Disclaimer: I fully realise that The Whitechapel Mint have no obligation whatsoever to deliver or hand over the goods for which I am paying and that the chances of them doing so are very slim, bordering on non-existent. I am either quite elderly or a vulnerable member of society with absolutely no idea how to make legal redress after being defrauded. My address is …………..and I am usually out from………until……… I do not have a big dog.

Signed…

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