hummus
A dish of hummus shelters among some chopped veg as Israeli jets scream overhead

There were fresh calls for an immediate ceasefire in the war torn Middle East last night after an Israeli F16 jet fighter mistakenly targeted and destroyed a kebab shop in Whitechapel, East London, leaving the proprietor and 12 customers dead.

It is believed the tragic mix up occurred due to the similarity between the delicious chickpea snack, hummus, and Hamas, the armed Palestinian resistance group.

A witness to the carnage was Tony Summers, the owner of a greengrocers just across the road from the stricken fast food shop.

“It was absolutely diabolical to be honest” said Mr Summers, 57 “I was just arranging a few oranges in the display outside the shop when this fighter jet came screaming in and launched a missile which absolutely flattened the kebab place. The poor bastards inside never stood a chance. It’s an absolute tragedy for the whole community and a downright diabolical liberty.

“Tariq, the geezer who owned it, was an absolute diamond and did the best donner with chilli sauce and hummus for miles around. Gawd knows what I’m going to do at lunchtimes now. I’ll probably have to get the old woman to make me a packed lunch or something. Absolutely bloody terrible!”

The Israeli air force issued a brief statement last night.

“While we deeply regret this terrible tragedy and send our condolences to the families of all those affected, we’d like to point out that hummus and Hamas sound very similar even though one is a murderous, terrorist organisation and the other is a kind of dip. We’d also like to reiterate that we only target military installations or blocks of flats, which may or may not have the odd Palestinian terrorist living there. Regrettably, there will always be a degree of collateral damage, whether it be a school, a mosque, or even as we saw on this occasion, the odd snack bar thousands of miles from the theatre of war, so we’re sorry about that”

A memorial service for the dead will be held on Thursday at the East London Church Of Christ in Aldgate with a free fish supper thrown in afterwards.

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