george the leg-crusher


There were calls for changes to The Dangerous Bureaucrats Act last night, after a 3-year-old girl from Whitechapel was admitted to Great Ormond Street Hospital in London, suffering from wounds inflicted by a government watchdog that had been left free to roam in a local park.

The toddler, who hasn’t been named, suffered a number of sickening injuries, which included being bored almost half to death by endless pontificating and mindless conjecture. The mite was also badly savaged in front of a dim-witted tribunal of bumbling members of The House Of Lords who were so inebriated on Glenfiddich and Wincarnis they didn’t know if they wanted a shit or haircut.

The child’s mother, looking visibly distressed, spoke briefly to reporters last night. “It’s every parent’s worse nightmare to see their baby subjected to an ordeal like this. We were thinking of buying her a small quango for Christmas but there’s just no way now. She’s so traumatised she no longer wants to listen to The Today Programme on Radio 4, and only last night she curled up into a ball and began shaking uncontrollably during the music to Question Time.”

The watchdog’s owner, Mr D. Cameron of Westminster, spoke to reporters last night through a mesh grill in his front door. “I simply cannot believe this has happened to be honest with you!. I’ve had that watchdog since it was a tiny public enquiry into minor civil misdemeanours and it’s always been as gentle as a newborn lamb. I used to let my two kids go into that committee room and they’d jump on the chairman’s back and pull his ears without so much as a mild rebuke, now this has happened.

“Admittedly there have been a couple of times its had a bit of a go at one or two select committees that have been allowed to wander the streets off the lead, but at the end of the day it was only defending its territory. I’m absolutely shocked and appalled to be honest with you. It goes without saying I’ll have it destroyed at the very next cabinet meeting.”

This latest tragedy comes just 6 weeks after a 5-year-old boy from Shoreditch was found drowned in an abandoned government think tank which had been left on a piece of waste ground.