Dear Whitechapel Whelk
Explorers. Recreate the shrill, deafening cries of the Amazonian Howler Monkeys that you encountered on your last expedition by walking into a feminist’s workshop with a copy of Big ‘n’ Bouncy tucked under your arm. To increase the volume, slap one of them across the arse and tell her to stick the kettle on.
Teddy Livingstone
Zimbabwe
More uncalled-for misogyny in just a few moments…
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Dear Whitechapel Whelk
In their smash hit single, Barbie Girl, the bald one out of Aqua says: “Life in plastic, it’s fantastic” However, I strongly disagree as I foolishly listened to this false promise and climbed into a black bin liner and lay down in the back garden, waiting for my life to improve.
Unfortunately, it was a Wednesday which is the day the bin men collect the rubbish and I was thrown into the back of the dustcart and killed instantly in the crusher.
Once again it’s a case of privileged, overpaid pop stars flying directly in the face of the health and safety regulations while poor old Joe Public has to suffer the consequences.
Toby Stretchmarks
Republic Of Ireland
March 15, 2016 at 7:46 am
You do get unusual mail!
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March 15, 2016 at 8:25 am
We do indeed Peggy. We also get unusual male. I’m thinking of the sports editor here. I told him that his handbag doesn’t match his eyes, but will he listen? Tsk 😦
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March 15, 2016 at 8:32 am
You have no idea how close I came to writing ‘You do get unusual mail/male.’ I’ll not get caught out like that again. You have been warned.
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March 15, 2016 at 8:41 am
Haha! Great minds pun alike Peggy 😀
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March 20, 2016 at 1:48 pm
Hahahahaha! I think your mail bag is inspiring! One more question about Adele and why is it she looks like my pudgy aunt… 👍👍
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March 20, 2016 at 4:35 pm
Hmmmm I’m not too sure to be honest Tom. Maybe you should broach the subject with your aunt. Just be tactful and make sure your uncle is out of earshot 😀
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March 20, 2016 at 6:30 pm
LOL! I asked Adele about this and she said, “It’s my way of reinforcing positive body images for young girls… Pass the Pizza!” 👍🍕👍
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March 20, 2016 at 6:36 pm
“Pass the pizza” I can’t see it being a hit for the girl much less a Bond theme but she’s a nice kid with a pretty smile. It’s just a shame she’s from North London and not The East End. 😀
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March 20, 2016 at 6:51 pm
George Martin told me right before he died, “Adele is working on some Beatlesque backmasking for her “Hello” sessions… Including the phrases: eat more pizza… This song is not “Martha” by Tom Waits… Eat more pizza… Forget about Tom Waits… I can’t help it if this song sounds exactly like “Martha” by Tom Waits… Just eat more pizza and forget about that……mmmmmmmm delicious pizza…” I’ve heard that worldwide pizza sales have doubled and Tom Waits’ fan clubs are on the decline!
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