pie and mash 1
A plate of pie, mash and liquor that hadn’t had anybody’s face pushed into it, pictured last night


A 46-year-old local woman has made the surprising claim that religious leader, The Dalai Lama, pushed her face into a plate of pie and mash that she was enjoying at an eaterie in Whitechapel at the weekend.

Tracy Dell, a housewife and mother of 6, told The Whitechapel Whelk: “It was about 2.30 in the afternoon and I’d gone into the pie and mash shop for a nice plate of pie, mash and liquor. I’d only just sat down when I heard a bit of a kerfuffle at the counter. I looked over and saw The Dalai Lama arguing with the girl who was doing the serving. He was really shouting the odds and appeared to be upset with the amount of mash he’d been given. His language was terrible to be honest

“He then came over and sat opposite me, he still looked really angry and was effing and blinding under his breath. I’m pretty certain he’d been drinking.

“He then looked at my plate and started haranguing me over the amount of liquor I had on my plate. He said “How much f*****g liquor do you want love?” He then asked me if I thought I was Lady bleeding Bountiful.

“Before I could say anything, he pushed my face into my mash, grabbed one of my pies and ran out without paying. I was absolutely disgusted to be honest. It’s not really the sort of behaviour you expect from The Dalai Lama is it? I certainly won’t be going to see him in Tibet anytime soon I don’t mind telling you”

This latest incident comes just two weeks after The Bishop of London was arrested and given a police caution after tipping a tub of jellied eels down the underpants of a ticket inspector at Aldgate East tube station.

from Danny Soz, our religious affairs and traditional scoff correspondent