big ass
Kim Kardashian pictured posing for reporters last night


London’s Metropolitan Police have voiced concerns that the proposed introduction of cameras in England’s crown courts from June of this year will lead to a mini-crime wave perpetrated by the publicity-hungry, Kardashian family.

A spokesperson for The Met spoke to The Whitechapel Whelk last night: “This is terrible news for the police service. You can bet your bottom dollar, that as soon as The Kardashians get wind of this, they’ll be over here committing crimes right, left, and centre just to get free publicity and TV exposure”

Kardashian poster girl, Kim, told The Whelk: “This is absolutely awesome news. I’m going to fly over to London and start committing crimes as soon as possible. Maybe just a few break-ins and the odd handling of stolen goods to begin with, then I’ll maybe move onto bigger stuff, like bullion heists and manslaughter”

Ms Kardashian then insisted that she would only consent to appear in court if she was allowed to be naked and to stand in the dock with her back to the camera so everybody could be treated to her enormous arse.

We tried to get the view from a serving London officer, PC Ted Stupor, of The Whitechapel Constabulary last night, but his landlady said he was lying in the back garden in a pool of sick with his trousers around his ankles.

from our crime and surgically enhanced tits correspondent