Carelessly written by “Big” Gary Hoadley, 87. Meticulously edited by Clivey “Slightly smaller but there’s not much in it” Dee, 19


The scene is a small Maltese barbershop in Whitechapel, East London. Clivey walks in and sits in the chair. Gaz approaches, clippers in hand.

Gaz – “Hello Clivey me old China”

Clivey – “Watcha mate, you alright?”

Gaz – “Yeah not too shabby son. What will it be today then squire?”

Clivey – “What, you cutting hair now then Gaz?”

Gaz – Yes mate. Learnt how to do it in the nut house”

Clivey –  “Class! Well, I hope you’re better than that Mike geezer who used to work here. He was a bleedin’ shambles mate. Used to leave me looking like a right Charlie”

Gaz –  “Course I am Clivey, stand on me son”

Clivey – “Right then, can you cut my hair in the same style as Daniel Craig?”

Gaz – “No problem mate, just close your eyes, relax, and enjoy it”

Clivey –  “Will do son, will do”

After an hour, Clivey wakes and looks in the mirror

Clivey –  “Gaz, I’m as bald as a fucking coot son!”

Gaz –  “Yeah, good ain’t it”

Clivey –  “Do you actually  know who Daniel Craig is Gaz?!”

Gaz –  “Should do mate. I’ve seen “The King and I” five times”

Clivey –  “Fancy a pint Gaz?”

Gaz – “Yeah go on then sheriff. I’ve got a mouth like the bottom of a baby’s pram ‘ere bruv”.

The End

Clivey & Gaz are now appearing at The British Legion Club, Shoreditch.  Tickets available from Blonde Carol, The Blind Beggar (public bar) Whitechapel E1. Give it a miss to avoid disappointment.