Stupid-man
Mr. Carter pictured looking upset last night

 

A 32-year-old man from Whitechapel in East London has claimed that he was asked to leave the studio audience at a recording of The Jeremy Kyle Show last week for looking too intelligent.

Philip Carter, a diesel-fitter and father of two, told The Whitechapel Whelk: “I had only just taken my seat in the studio audience when a member of the production team told me to get out. He told me that I looked too intelligent and would stick out like a sore thumb amongst the other audience members. I wouldn’t mind but I’m actually extremely thick and always have been. I can barely read and write, and even driving home from work is a struggle sometimes without using my sat nav. I can only put it down to the clothes I was wearing on the day. I should have known it was a mistake when my wife made me wear a suit and tie instead of my usual t-shirt, trackie bottoms and trainers.”

A spokesperson for the show told us: “We like to match our studio audience with the moronic knuckle-draggers who appear on the show, and I’m afraid, Mr. Carter looked far too intelligent. Our production assistant did offer to lend him a shellsuit and to paint some fake drool on his chin, but he declined.

“Next week Jeremy will be chatting to teenage mums who got pregnant in the housing benefits office, so perhaps he’d like to accept an invitation to that one. He’ll have to adhere to our strict dress code of course.”

Kyle himself was unavailable for comment as he’s been admitted to Kings College Hospital for emergency surgery after his body was rejected by a cancerous testicle.

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