clive-and-gaz-trotter-van-1

Written in a drunken stupor by Gary “12 Bellies” Hoadley, 87. Soberly edited and abstemiously amended by Clivey “The Soda Water Kid” Dee, 19.

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Clivey and Gaz are in the saloon bar of The Lord Rodney’s Head in Whitechapel. Clivey brings over 2 pints of lager and places them on the table before sitting down opposite his old friend

Clivey – “So how are you anyway mate?”

Gaz – “I’m alright son”

Clivey – “How long was you in the nut house?”

Gaz – “Ooh, must have been ten years or more mate”

Clivey – “So, now you’re out, what you gonna do?”

Gaz – “Well, I did a carpentry apprenticeship, so I could become a carpenter.”

Clivey – “Yeah”

Gaz – “And I did the cooking course, so  maybe a chef”.

Clivey – “Right”.

Gaz – “Or, I could go back to what I used to be in the nut house”

Clivey – “What was that then?”

Gaz – “A teapot”

Clivey – “Another pint mate?”…

Clivey & Gaz are now appearing in The Boleyn Arms in Green Street, West Ham. Tickets now on sale with all proceeds going to the The Harry Ramsden Home for Battered Sausages

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