jo whelk meme


Dear Whitechapel Whelk

I just heard ageing rocker, Mick Jagger, say on the radio – and I quote: “Ah was born in a crossfire hurricane”

He then went on to say that he howled at his ma in the driving rain, that he was raised by a toothless, bearded hag and that he was schooled with a strap right across his back.

His torment didn’t end there, however, as he goes on to state that he was drowned, washed up and left for dead and that just prior to this, his feet were so sore they bled.

What I’d like to know is where were social services when all this was going on? If you ask me it’s just another case of one of Britain’s vulnerable youngsters being let down by an uncaring society.

Milly Hendrix

Altamont Motor Speedway


Dear Whitechapel Whelk

I was extremely heartened to learn that the prime minister is to give Home Secretary, Theresa May, “special powers” to deal with terrorism. Let’s hope she chooses super strength plus the ability to fly faster than a speeding bullet, or even x-ray vision so she can see into parcel bombs etc. Whatever she picks she’s bound to be in better shape than that previous Home Secretary, David Blunkett, who couldn’t even cross the street without his guide dog.

Marjory Trombone-Solo



Dear Whitechapel Whelk

I own my own home but have recently fallen on hard times, so a couple of weeks ago, I broke into the local prison to steal a television set from one of the cells. Just as I was making my escape I was spotted by one of the prisoners who tried to prevent me getting away.  I immediately drew a gun and shot him a number of times before making good my escape. To my utter disgust, I was arrested a few days later and charged with attempted murder while the convicted felon concerned got off scot free. Once again it’s a case of one law for the wrongdoer and another for poor old Joe Public

Max Impacted-Stool

The Isle Of Wight


Dear Whitechapel Whelk

I was watching a BBC television programme last night, which featured filmed footage of a number of World War I veterans talking about their experiences in the trenches during the so-called Great War. To my amazement, some of these men were in their 90s and there was even a chap of 102 giving his account. What a magnificent testament to our fighting forces that even when we send out a bunch of old age pensioners against the Hun we still emerge victorious. I mean to say some of these men were in wheelchairs for God’s sake!

Neville Diseased-Lung



Dear Whitechapel Whelk

Americans. Put an immediate stop to the jihadist insurgency in Iraq by simply joining forces with ISIS. With your propensity for killing your own allies with friendly fire, the war will be over in days.

.Maj. Gen. Felicity Iron-Lung



Dear Whitechapel Whelk

Rioters. Nullify the effects of being tear gassed by the police by inhaling from a canister of laughing gas before leaving home.

.Delroy Uppity-Nigger