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“Workers of the world unite. You have nothing to lose but your VAT demands!”

 

Following hard on the heels of the now infamous, Panama Papers furore, which has implemented a number of prominent businessmen and politicians in an offshore tax avoidance scheme, a postmaster at a sub-post office in Whitechapel, East London has told The Whelk that Labour Party leader, Jeremy Corbyn, purchased £37 worth of premium bonds in 1997 in an underhand bid to defraud the exchequer of tax revenue.

Mr. Ahmed Analfisi, 65, told us yesterday: “Corbyn came in on the afternoon in question accompanied by a black lady. I think it was that other Labour MP, Diane Abbott, the one that he was supposed to have been having an affair with.

“He looked very shifty and his top lip was coated with sweat as he asked for £37 worth of premium bonds. He paid in used notes, a number of pound coins and a couple of 50 pence pieces. As soon as I’d handed over the bonds, he rushed out of the shop and into the street before pedalling away on a tandem bike with Miss Abbott on the back”

When we told a treasury representative of our findings last night he told us that he would inform, The Chancellor, George Osborne, immediately; adding: “This type of sharp practice has to be eradicated and those who practice it must be dealt with severely. No wonder the treasury coffers are depleted. We didn’t even have enough left in the kitty to give a Tory MP his 35 quid in expenses for having the algae scraped off the top of his duck pond last week!”

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