Police were forced to draw batons and wade into a Friday night punch-up in Whitechapel Road last night as the melee descended into a full-scale Donald Trump political rally.
12 arrests were made, mostly for insulting behaviour and affray, and a number of “Trump Ain’t No Chump”” banners confiscated.
Chief Inspector Toby Dell from The Whitechapel Constabulary, told The Whelk: “We normally turn a blind eye to these weekend tear-ups among the local yobbos, but when a member of the public informed us that some of the mob were carrying pro-Trump banners and were wearing blue dungarees, we decided to move in and break things up. Otherwise, it would only have been a matter of time before a black woman was punched in the face and dragged along the ground by the ankles or something along those lines.
When told of the incident, Mr Trump issued a brief statement: “When Donald J. Trump hears about heavy-handed treatment being meted out by the limey cops to my supporters I just want to punch those blue-belly sonsofbitches in the face to be honest with you. If that had taken place in Brooklyn, those batons that those lilly-livered shmucks carry would have been shoved up their asses right before they were carried away on stretchers.”
In other news: Peacenik Labour Party leader, Jeremy Corbyn was joined by a handful of protestors outside a nursery school in Plaistow yesterday, demanding the cessation of “competitive” sandcastle building in the play area. They make the claim that children whose sandcastles weren’t particularly sturdy would turn to drugs or crime in later life due to their friends having taken the piss out of them.