hugh hefner

The House of Whitechapel  is delighted to announce the launch of our latest item of couture: The Alzheimer’s Dressing Gown of Hope.

Specifically designed for the fashion conscious dementia sufferer, these stylish and practical dressing gowns will ensure you stand out from the crowd the next time you go wandering off aimlessly in the middle of the night.

Lovingly handmade on industrial sewing machines by Bangladeshi orphans, each Gown of Hope comes complete with an ingenious GPS tracking device to ensure that anxious relatives need never again wonder where the hell you are in the early hours of the morning after discovering that your bed hasn’t been slept in.

So, if you want to stay warm and look chic and stylish when you’re brought back home in a police car at 3.00am, The Alzheimer’s Dressing Gown of Hope is for you.

To receive yours at some unspecified point in the future; send a banker’s draft or cash to the tune of: £32,456 to:

The House of Whitechapel (Feeble-Minded Offer)
The Boleyn Arms
Green Street
East London.

DISCLAIMER: I have no idea what day it is or even what my name is to be honest, and I waive all legal rights of redress if my goods never arrive. I have no violent relatives or carers who might start asking awkward questions. Signed…

EDITOR’S NOTE: The above piece is not intended to ridicule people who suffer from dementia, rather it is a satire on the exploitative felons who habitually exploit the vulnerable, notably with glossy full page offers in newspaper colour supplements.