A Whitechapel garage worker has told The Whelk that Prince Philip drove onto his forecourt at 4.00am this morning and raced into the shop where he bought a bunch of carnations and a box of Ferrero Rocher chocs before sprinting back to his car.
Saeed Ranjit, 23, told us: “It was definitely The Duke of Edinburgh. He had a naval uniform on and spoke like a real toff. He seemed agitated and I asked him if he was ok. He said “I am at the moment but I won’t be if I don’t get this lot back before the missus wakes up”
He then bought half an ounce of Old Holborn rolling tobacco and 4 cans of Tennant’s Super Strength lager. He paid in cash but it was mostly 50 pence pieces so I assumed he’d robbed one of the kid’s money boxes or something.
“He then ran out of the shop and jumped in his motor before driving off like his arse was on fire. I just hope he made it home in time to be honest”
Prince Philip will be accompanying The Queen on her 90th birthday walkabout in London’s Hyde Park later on today. Royal watchers will be looking for any tell-tale signs of frying pan injuries as The Duke takes his place at Her Majesty’s side.