“I’ll have a look at it guvnor but it’ll cost you a long un just to open the bonnet”

Dear Mad-Ass

I recently bought my daughter an old BMC Mini from an auction which is now her pride and joy. It runs beautifully for such an old vehicle apart from its tendency to misbehave in wet conditions. Whenever she drives it through a puddle, or if the rain is particularly heavy, the engine becomes extremely sluggish and seems to develop a misfire.

My daughter absolutely adores the car and is loathe to part with it, so your help and advice would be most welcome on this one.

Jim Stepney



Dear Jim

How sweet will be our victory when we crush the British and American jackals at the very gates of Baghdad! Our mighty Republican Guard will destroy the infidels and drive them back to their lairs like whipped curs!

We shall not rest until the accursed blood of our enemies runs copious and free in the gutters of our beloved city. In the name of Almighty Allah I call upon my Iraqi brothers and sisters to join me as I pray for the defeat and destruction of the coalition hyenas!


PS. This sounds like a simple case of water in the ignition system Jim. Every month or so simply spray the distributor cap, the plug leads, and ignition coil with a water dispersant such as WD40 or Holts Ignition Seal and she’ll run as good as gold in all weather conditions.

Good luck with it Jim and all the very best for the future

Fond Regards

Mad-Ass Hussein

Unit 7, Whitechapel Arches

London E1