A 23-year-old local woman has committed suicide after realising that she spent an entire dinner date with her new boyfriend with a remnant of dried mucus, or “bogie” attached to one of her nostrils.
Jade Tracy, from Mile End Road in Whitechapel, was found dead in her flat from a suspected overdose. She had earlier confided in her close friend, Mary Dell, also 23, that the incident had left her mortified and deeply depressed.
Mary, who had known the dead woman since early childhood, said last night: “Jade only realised she had this bogie stuck under her nose when she went to the ladies just before she and her new bloke were about to leave. She told me that it must have been there throughout their meal and that it was probably formed when she blew her nose while she was waiting for her new boyfriend to arrive at her flat. She told me that he kept giving her funny looks and wouldn’t make eye contact, but she put it down to shyness. She was terribly upset and kept breaking down in front of me, but I never dreamed she’d do something this drastic to be honest”
The man in question, Danny Carter, a 27-year-old tyre fitter from Bow in East London, appeared visibly upset as he told reporters: “I spotted the bogie straight away to be honest. I wanted to say something, but I didn’t know how to go about it. I thought about playfully touching her nose and craftily picking it off, but I thought it might be a bit too forward of me as it was our first date. I really wish I had done now”
This tragedy comes just two weeks after a 24-year-old Sheffield man, on a first date with an attractive blonde, hanged himself from the bannisters after having accidentally left his penis hanging out following a visit to the gents in a local McDonalds.
Author’s note: For the benefit of any American readers; the nasal incident described above is, I believe, known on your side of the pond as: “Having a booger”
May 13, 2016 at 5:26 am
Reblogged this on SOZ SATIRE.
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May 13, 2016 at 1:13 pm
That is tragic! It is rather distracting seeing one! Blasted bogie!
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May 13, 2016 at 4:54 pm
I actually didn’t realise girls experienced such unpleasant phenomena. You’ll be telling me next that they go to the toilet on occasion to poop! 😀
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May 14, 2016 at 1:36 am
It isn’t my secret to tell 😉
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May 13, 2016 at 3:08 pm
I think it’s a bit extreme. I actually prefer to go into all my dates with a boogie hanging from my nose. That way, if they call again, I can really figure out who’s shallow and who’s not. Shame though…so few ever do call again…
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May 14, 2016 at 6:54 am
No shit?
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May 15, 2016 at 12:32 am
No absolutely no shit, I assure you!
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May 15, 2016 at 11:05 am
Did you hear that they’re closing down WordPress. Not getting enough traffic apparently. Tell all your mates asap.
What a sickener eh mate? 😦
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May 15, 2016 at 9:23 pm
Not possible! the world would end!
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May 16, 2016 at 6:24 am
For some perhaps. I’m deadly serious. I have a mate who’s a high flying IT consultant. He does contract work for WP and has told me they’re in big financial trouble. He’s been told that, by Xmas, WordPress will have folded.
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May 16, 2016 at 9:22 pm
Really now? Whatever shall I do? It is my claim to fame!!
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May 17, 2016 at 6:48 am
Tumblr is your friend. I’m sure you will soon become equally ‘famous’ there. In fact, I’d stake your reputation on it.
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May 17, 2016 at 9:26 pm
Oh goodie! Let me know when the hip time to make the switch is!!
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May 18, 2016 at 6:23 am
I’m sorry you feel the need to be unpleasant and sarcastic. I was genuinely trying to help. Ah well, that’s the internet for you I guess.
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May 18, 2016 at 9:20 pm
I always feel the need to be unpleasant and sarcastic. You mean, that was supposed to be something exclusive to the internet?
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May 19, 2016 at 4:27 am
Then perhaps you’d be good enough to take your sarcasm and unpleasantness elsewhere. I’m sure there are plenty of online halls of discord where your sniping and trolling will be welcomed with open-arms. This, I regret to inform you, is not one of them. Thank you for your cooperation.
Bye now. 🙂
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May 19, 2016 at 9:30 pm
You know I’m kidding, right?
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May 20, 2016 at 7:03 am
You got yourself lawyered up, right? Tell it to the judge hotshot 🙂
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May 20, 2016 at 9:23 pm
Of course. My lawyer is on speed dial.
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May 21, 2016 at 6:23 am
Very wise
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May 18, 2016 at 10:46 pm
Snot and peckers. Sounds like current USA political scence. Father and I want to vote for Franklin D Roosevelt but apparently he has chosen not to run again.
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May 19, 2016 at 4:29 am
At Frankie’s age I’m surprised the old boy can still WALK let alone run! What a guy!
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