holy grail
The Holy Grail pictured with a couple of other priceless relics last night



An East London mobile mechanic has made the astonishing claim that he has discovered the long-lost Holy Grail in the front garden of one of his customers.

Danny Soz, 19, from Bethnal Green told The Whitechapel Whelk that he spotted the fabled chalice, from which Christ was said to have drank at The Last Supper, while he was putting his tools away after fitting a new timing belt to the customer’s Honda Prelude.

“At first, I thought it was an empty plastic cup or something along those lines” he told us. “It was only when I had a closer look that I realised it was The Holy Grail. It was written on the side so it’s definitely The Grail. I’m hoping to flog it on Ebay to The Pope or The Archbishop of Canterbury when I get home. It’s got to be worth a few bob after all this time”

The Whelk has closely examined the photograph Soz took of the artefact, and, according to our graphics editor, it’s definitely authentic. On top of which, the two items laying alongside it are also holy relics. The blue one is The Blessed Buttplug of Byzantium and the silver one is The Holy Aluminium Tube of Antioch.

The wages girl has estimated them to be worth several thousand pounds each, so if you want one, bring the cash or a banker’s draft to our office at: 577 Whitechapel Road, London E1 and we’ll see if we can sort you out.

EDITOR’S NOTE: No cheques and no refunds. All priceless holy relics are bought as seen and we cannot be held responsible if you later find that you’ve been totally mugged off.