empty hall
The church hall pictured on Wednesday night with the rally in full swing.


A dismal attendance at the much-publicised, Whitechapel Chronic Fatigue Awareness Rally, which was held at St Bart’s Church Hall on Wednesday night, has left organisers red-faced and with a big question mark being placed over next year’s staging of the event.

WFCA president, Garfield Hoadley, who failed to attend himself after dozing off in the hammock in his back garden, told The Whitechapel Whelk from his bed last night: “It was very disheartening to be honest, but I doubt if I’ll lose much sleep over it. We were hoping to attract some of the laziest bastards and bone idle stay abeds in East London, but it would appear that some people just can’t be bothered to make the effort, and I for one don’t blame them. As for next year’s rally, I’ve no idea whether we’ll bother to be honest. I certainly won’t. Let some other poor bleeder do all the hard graft for a change”

Mr Hoadley, 75, then asked us to plump up his pillow, make him a cup of tea, take the dog for a walk, and to nip down to get him a newspaper and half an ounce of Golden Virginia.