man farting
“Pick the bones out of that doc”

 

A fifty-year-old man from Whitechapel has revealed that he violently broke wind in a consulting room at The Royal London Hospital just seconds before a female member of his surgical team entered, causing the woman to gag repeatedly and to finally flee the room.

Toby Dell, a market trader, told The Whelk: “I was there to see the doc about my irritable bowel syndrome and had drunk a few cups of camomile tea throughout the morning to get things going and to prove my point. For good measure, I ate a bowl of sprouts washed down with 6 pints of Guinness.

By the time I reached the hospital, I had enough gas in me to keep East London warm for a fortnight. I unleashed a couple of rip-snorters in the corridor to take the pressure off, but to no avail. The moment I was told to wait in the consulting room, I could feel an absolute corker brewing up in the old bomb bay. I clenched my arse cheeks together, but the build up of gas made it feel like the top of my head was about to blow off. I knew the doctor would be along at any minute, so I went into a corner of the room and let fly with an absolute screamer. I could actually feel my cheeks rippling due to the sheer force of it. The stench was absolutely outrageous, to be honest with you, but before I could reach the window and let in some air, the lady doc came in. She was smiling at first, but as soon as she got a whiff of the botty burp she started dry-heaving and ran out of the room. I was gutted to be honest as I was hoping to get the results of my blood tests”

A spokesperson for The Royal London told us: “A female junior doctor has been spoken to for allegedly failing to carry out her duties, but was spared any punishment after her consultant told hospital management that you could have cut the atmosphere in that room with a knife”

This skit was brought to you courtesy of: The Donald Trump Awareness League.

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