One from our brother-in-satire, Danny Soz here ladies and gents. Don’t be too hard on the boy; he’s armless enough.



Talented unidexter or drugs cheat? Kleptchcow pictured yesterday undergoing a gruelling training session with his coach

The Russian paralympic team came under suspicion yesterday after a man with only one leg obliterated Usain Bolt’s 100 metres world record by an astonishing 6 seconds.

Vladimir Kleptchow, 81, who was born with one leg and no foot attached to the other one, clocked a blistering 3.89 seconds at Crystal Palace Sports Centre last night, attracting suspicion from the sport’s governing body, the International Athletics Federation.

Mr Kleptchow, who is also registered blind and deaf, underwent a drugs test in 1998 – which was conducted by scientists in Moscow – after thrashing Scottish darts legend, Jocky Wilson, by 5 sets to nil in The World Darts Championship at Glasgow Conference Centre.

He was eventually cleared of any wrongdoing after the Russian boffins claimed he was unable to give a urine sample due to a bladder removal operation…

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