Evenin’ all.

Policing one of the world’s great capital cities like London can sometimes be a grim and extremely hazardous business, particularly in these days of widespread terrorism and Islamic jihad.

Take last Tuesday for example. Around 4.00pm, we received a shout that a man of middle-eastern appearance wearing a suicide vest, was holding a number of hostages at gunpoint in the ticket office at Aldgate East tube station.

Our information was that he had already shot a ticket inspector and was threatening to blow himself up if his demands for the release from prison of a number of his fellow jihadists weren’t met.

After racing to the armoury to be issued with automatic weapons and sidearms, myself and a specially trained armed response unit sped to the scene to tackle the crazed suspect.

Fortunately, it was opening time at the nearby Drum and Monkey, so while my colleagues took up strategic positions at the scene, I nipped into the saloon bar for a few sharpeners.

I was eventually ejected by the landlord shortly before closing time for rowdy behaviour and spent the night in the gutter in a pool of my own sick and piss.

Evenin’ all

PC Ted appears courtesy of The Liver Damage and Projectile Vomiting Tribune