meme by The Artful Dodger
The Whitechapel Allotment Society last night reported that nine committee members have been executed by firing squad in a Stalin-style purge following a successful coup d’etat by a group of extreme left-wing rebels led by Labour Party leader, Jeremy Corbyn, on Monday night.
Corbyn’s guerrillas have now gained total control of over 110 plots and have set up a temporary political and military headquarters in a poly tunnel on Plot 69R.
All transistor radios in sheds have had their batteries removed to silence any anti-Corbyn propaganda from government-backed sources or breakaway Labour MPs, and all forks, hoes, and other sharp gardening implements, have been removed from sheds and impounded.
Widespread looting has already begun with Corbyn’s forces pulling up marrows, beetroots, and even rhubarb and new potatoes that weren’t quite ready.
Addressing his forces through a megaphone while standing on the roof of the shed on Plot 111R, Corbyn told them: “I’ve got a clear mandate from the people to seize control of this allotment and I’m going nowhere until my goals are reached, and even after that I’ll be hanging on to power like grim death. The plot holders are one hundred percent behind me, and those who are not will be imprisoned without trial and shot.
“It is my intention to eventually gain control of every allotment in the land and to distribute the fruits and vegetables of the proletariat classes to the poor and needy, and in my view, there’s nobody poorer or more needy than myself.
“It’s regrettable that we have been forced to neutralise some of the committee members but we can’t have reactionaries standing between the party and our goals. As my role model, Machiavelli, said: “The end justifies the means”
This audacious move by Corbyn is the most daring military coup since 1985, when, left-wing firebrand, Tony Benn, marched into Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher’s back garden and seized her enormous, ripe melons.