Evening all.

Policing this great city can be a daunting and even life-threatening business, particularly in these fraught days when the threat of terrorism lurks around every corner.

It’s small wonder then, that our commissioner, Sir Bernard Hogan-Howe, has made the tough decision to select crack members of The Met to form an armed rapid response unit to react with stealth and speed to any terrorist strike. I count myself fortunate to be among this elite band.

Last week, we underwent a grueling training session on the SAS assault course in The Brecon Beacons, where the weather was as bleak and unwelcoming as the grim task ahead of us.

Fortunately, I had secreted a bottle of Old Bushmills Irish whiskey in my rucksack and managed to have a really good skinful while the other lads were swinging on ropes and crawling through muddy puddles.

I was later made to return to traffic duty after accidentally shooting an instructor up the arse on the firing range.

Evening all.

PC Ted Stupor appears courtesy of The Methylated Stumblebum Herald