television

22.00 Sky Cinema: Gone in 60 Seconds – Action movie starring roly-poly BBC London presenter Vanessa Feltz. Features the iconic scene which gives the movie its title when she sits down to 3 plates of large cod and chips in a cafe in East Ham

17.00 TCM: Along The Great Divide – Documentary which chronicles the hazardous journey made by a team of intrepid East London explorers as they trek for 3 days between the cheeks of Vanessa Feltz’s arse. WARNING: Contains strong winds and a great deal of wobbling.

21.00 Film 4: He’s Just Not That Into You – Documentary. A woman struggles to come to terms with her husband’s erectile dysfunction issues

 19.30 BBC 4: Tough Young Teachers. – Documentary featuring a remote tribe of cannibals from Papua New Guinea who complain about the recent quality of the meat following a number of raids on missionary schools

 18.15 Eurosport 1: Getting Ready For Roland Garos – A film crew spend a few hours with Mrs Garos as she gets her husband’s tea ready and puts on a clean frock prior to him getting in from work.

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