There was mounting criticism in some quarters for the British version of the American, Black Lives Matter, pressure group last night after their president, Julian Boddington-Smythe, announced that the group were imposing a strict ‘whites only’ policy.
Boddington-Smythe, 22, the son of a Surrey stockbroker, spoke to The Whelk shortly after his release from police custody last night; following his arrest, and that of 8 of his white colleagues, at a sit-down protest at London City airport yesterday morning.
Wearing a Saville Row suit and a “Roots Me Bredrin” t-shirt, the unemployed former sociology student said: “We’ve been attacked in the Tory media for not having any blacks at the protest this morning and that’s because we don’t want any. We get a bad enough press as it is without having any gangsta types jumping on the bandwagon. We can’t be expected to take on the white establishment and fight for our oppressed black brethren with those sort of people in tow for God’s sake.
“The rules are that you must be white-British, middle to upper-middle class, and with a proven history of being a spoilt and demanding, disruptive pain in the arse almost from birth.
“People with names like Tarquin, Jemima, Gerald, or Sophie are particularly welcome; but we don’t want any Winstons, Delroys or Darrishas thank you very much.”
A spokesman for Black Lives Matter in Montgomery, Alabama, expressed surprise when we told him of the no blacks ruling last night.
“Say what? he told us “No goddamn niggers in a black pressure group? Those limey assholes must be crazy man. With any luck, one of the brothers from one of the other limey hoods will drive by their boss man’s crib and bust a cap in his skinny white ass”
September 7, 2016 at 7:17 am
When I read the news story yesterday, I was dearly hoping that you would write a post. Sir, I am not disappointed.
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September 7, 2016 at 7:33 am
As soon as I spotted their dear little white fizzogs on that runway I started champing at the ruddy bit PG. 😀
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September 7, 2016 at 7:36 am
I was punching myself in the face repeatedly, cursing myself for not writing a satire blog. What incredible little twats they are.
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September 7, 2016 at 7:53 am
As Hurree Jamsett Ram Singh, of Billy Bunter fame would say: “The twatfullness was terrific” 😀
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September 25, 2016 at 2:32 pm
LOL! You better watch it… I’m sure Donald Trump will be looking to join… sporting his best British accent.
I must apologize for getting so far behind with your posts but your articles never appear in my reader. I am definitely subscribed but I end up backtracking to your blog through one of your likes on my blog and only if I use my browser. ( in the WordPress app if I click on your gravatar I am sent to my dashboard instead of a preview bug for you. it’s almost as if the WordPress app doesn’t want me to read your blog! ARRGH! … so I figure there is some Monkey Business going on at your end.)
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September 26, 2016 at 6:02 am
Just look upon this aberration as the kindly hand of divine providence Tom. Fortunately, I suffer from no such hindrance when it comes to spotting your excellent fare in my own reader, so what can I say, except, YAH BOO SUCKS and NER NER NER NER NER! 😀
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September 26, 2016 at 2:59 pm
Hahahahaha! Oh no! This situation is a blasted curse! While I’m thinking about it… I think I will just put a bookmark on your blog! Voila! Problem solved!
👍👍
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September 26, 2016 at 5:49 pm
You crazy young fool!…as the obstetrician said to the midwife who was delivering Donald Trump.
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September 27, 2016 at 12:38 am
LOL!
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