porn-star
A porn star pictured having trouble keeping his trousers up in the olden days.

 

The London district of Whitechapel yesterday held the grand opening of their long-awaited care home for pornographic film stars who have fallen on hard times following the internet boom in homemade grumble movies.

The Donkey Dick Sanctuary will house 50 destitute male stars who once featured in a number of iconic bongo movies such as, King Dong, and Willy Wanka & The Chubby Chick Factory.

We spoke to one of the delighted new residents, Spurt Reynolds, 69, who made a series of highly successful jazz movies with his busty co-star, Dolly Hard-On in the 70s. The star of over 300 rub ‘n’ tug flicks told us: “Dolly and I were making bloody good money back in the old days and then all this amateur rubbish started being churned out by every Tom, Dick, and Mary. We ended up being well and truly shafted so to speak. Dolly ended up in the phone sex game until her vocal chords gave up the ghost. As for me, I got a few bob from a dildo firm who used a wax impression of my cory as a mould for their ‘Fanny Buster’ range. After that, I drove a minicab around the East End until I lost my licence for drink driving in 2004. So, as you can imagine, The Donkey Dick Sanctuary is just what the doctor ordered for myself and the other lads.”

The opening of the new sanctuary comes a year after the neighbouring district of Stepney opened their highly successful female equivalent, The Mouldy Muff Refuge which houses around 70 former female stars of the adult titty mag industry.

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