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A vegan’s dinner and pudding pictured last night

 

A 35-year-old London man has mystified family and friends by dying suddenly, despite having been a strict vegan for over 10 years.

Mr Gerald Tracy, a garden centre manager, collapsed and died at his home in Whitechapel last Saturday after complaining of feeling unwell following a late supper of boiled seaweed and sauteed grape husks.

His body was discovered by his partner, Bill, who told us: “I simply cannot believe this has happened. Gerry hadn’t touched meat, fish, or dairy since he was 25. All he would eat was bulgar wheat in wholemeal bread and quinoa wrapped in banana leaves and washed down with coconut milk. We expected him to live indefinitely, to be honest, and so did he. He was even making plans to celebrate King Williams diamond jubilee for God’s sake”

Mr Tracy’s next door neighbour, Danny Soz, 97, a lifelong heavy drinker, chain smoker and a firm advocate of the full English breakfast, told us: “I told him that eating all that poxy rabbit food was no good for him, the fucking idiot. What he needed was to get some congealed bacon fat and a few fried slices of black pudden down his Gregory Peck. Greases your lungs that does”

Doctors at the Royal London Hospital have yet to announce a cause of death, but a hospital insider told us that they suspect an unbearable smugness-related illness to be the most likely cause.

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