A proud couple from Whitechapel last night announced the birth of their first child via the social media site, Facebook.

According to the proud parents, the child weighed 6lb 7oz at birth and is already displaying a number of traits that bode well for a promising future spent whining and attention-seeking online.


Her husband, Toby, 27, laughed as he told us: “That would be great, but first things first. Initially, I want to make sure he’s able to send unsolicited photographs of his tiny cock to women as well as post memes containing unpleasant sexual innuendo before we even begin to think of moving on to the more complicated stuff. My nephew, who’s only 9-years-old, has already been thrown out of Instagram for posting indecent images and has had his laptop seized by the police, so hopefully, our Mark will follow in his footsteps”

When told of the couple’s aspirations for the youngster, a spokesperson for Facebook said last night: “We’d like to congratulate the couple on the birth of their child, and while we don’t encourage sending inappropriate material, we like to think we have a pretty good record of turning a blind eye to those who do”

The couple were back home late last night, and according to friends, have already started boring people rigid with countless photographs of the infant wrapped in a shawl looking like a moon-faced little fuck.