“Now don’t you go frettin’ ’bout no hurri-cane Betsy Mae. If we set ourselves down on the porch swing, this ole place ain’t goin’ nowhere girl”

There was widespread anxiety across the globe last night as Meteorologists forecast that, Hurricane Matthew, which has already wreaked death and destruction across a few Caribbean islands of little or no importance, is heading for the coast of Florida in The United States.

Fears are now growing that people with cars and real estate may be forced to claim on their insurance, and that important business premises and expensive homes owned by white people could be damaged by the high winds and torrential rainfall that has already claimed some pretty insignificant lives in no-account countries like Haiti and one or two other even lesser places.

A spokesman for The Meteorological Office in London said last night: “Thus far, Hurricane Matthew has only claimed the lives and destroyed the homes and livelihoods of a few dirt poor blacks in countries with an extremely low GDP, but things are now getting extremely serious. There is a very real prospect of a good number of middle-class Americans sustaining damage to their homes that could take days to repair. There is even the chance that a few well-to-do elderly Brits, who have retirement homes in the region, could be severely inconvenienced for hours on end. However, that is the doomsday scenario and we don’t wish to alarm people unduly at this point in time.”

At the time of reporting, Matthew had cleared the Caribbean and was swinging towards the eastern seaboard of Florida leaving a number of dead and injured in its wake. Nobody knows the true death toll at this time but no doubt somebody important will have a quick check when they can spare a minute or two.