In this section, The Whitechapel Whelk’s film critic and sexually ambivalent women’s hockey buff, Lord Garfield of Hoadley, gives you 10 excellent reasons why you should avoid certain films like the plague. In particular, he strongly advises you to steer well clear of any film which is accompanied by the following description:
1 – Starring Bruce Willis
2 – Directed by Bruce Willis
3 – Screenplay by Bruce Willis
4 – Miss Jolie’s hair by Bruce “Teasie Weasie” Willis
5 – Hard-hitting documentary looking at the early life of Bruce Willis
6 – Musical with choreography and set design by Bruce Willis
7 – Baffling whodunnit, written and directed by Bruce Willis
8 – Catering by Bruce Willis’s Mobile Hot Dog & Sarsaparilla Co. Ltd.
9 – The Bruce Willis Story
10 – Enjoyable holiday romp starring Cliff Richard, with a special guest appearance by Bruce Willis.
Lord Garfield of Hoadley is showbiz editor of Popular Arc Welding Monthly
The Whitechapel Whelk 
October 26, 2016 at 2:57 pm
Lord Garfield at least has a dashing hat.
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October 26, 2016 at 10:02 pm
Yep and to our relief it’s always rushing to cover his hideous boat-race.
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October 26, 2016 at 4:31 pm
Another class bit foolery from my great mates. It had me rocking with laughter.
If you happen to see them, mincing down the Old Kent Road, give them a few swipes
across the moosh for me…
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October 27, 2016 at 6:28 am
I pretended to read your comment and immediately pretended to vomit. Eventually, I could pretend to vomit no more and got my nan to stand in for me. She pretended to do so for over 3 hours before pretending to be taken to hospital with a torn stomach lining. It’s what she would have pretended to want.
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