from our unsightly hound correspondent
The government last night announced that men who have slept with extremely unattractive women will be given a full pardon under a proposed new bill.
The Munters Act has already had its first reading in The House of Commons and is expected to become law early in the new year.
It is expected that millions of men across the country will be delighted by this latest move which has also been welcomed by a number of human rights organisations.
A government spokesman told us: “Many men across the country have to live with the stigma of having once bedded a woman whose appearance was beyond acceptable. In some cases, it may have been a fairly minor physical defect, such as a lazy eye, or the early onset of bingo wings.
“However, there are men out there whose entire lives have been blighted by the memory of drunkenly getting a leg over a tugboat of absolutely abysmal quality who may have been displaying any number of utterly hideous physical traits.
“We could be talking about a woman with ‘spaniel’s ears’ tits, an unsightly spotty arse, a gammy leg, or even one who looks like she’s been smashed repeatedly in the face with a frying pan.
“With the introduction of this bill we hope to lessen their guilt somewhat so they can start to enjoy life again without having to endure constant flashbacks to something they did years ago after half a dozen pints or more.”
The Leader of The Opposition, Jeremy Corbyn, has somewhat surprisingly thrown his weight behind the government and expressed his support for the proposal. However, cynics and political foes are pointing out that he’d do anything to be forgiven for getting his leg over Diane Abbot back in the 80s