Cumberbatch pictured laughably portraying Sherlock Holmes without a deerstalker and a magnifying glass


In what is being seen as a bold, and yet somewhat inevitable move, British TV companies have made a joint decision to include the acclaimed actor and small screen ever-present, Benedict Cumberbatch, in every future show they commission, including cookery, current affairs, and farming programmes.

Following a top-level meeting of TV company executives held in London last night, a spokesman told The Whelk:

“We have reached a unanimous decision to feature Benedict Cumberbatch in every show we produce from now until 2020 with an option to extend that period, if, in the opinion of the companies, the public haven’t started to get sick of the sight of him”

Cumberbatch, 33, has previously come under fire from Sherlock Holmes enthusiasts and the Sir Arthur Conan Doyle Society, angered by his portrayal of the great Victorian detective as a present day sleuth.

He has also been criticised in some quarters for constantly sticking his oar in on political issues and for having a face that looks like it’s been hit with a frying pan.

The actor himself remains unrepentant, however. Speaking from outside his home in Islington North London, he told us:

“I remain unrepentant for portraying Holmes as a contemporary sleuth, and furthermore, this decision to make me the star of every show on television is no more than I deserve. Hopefully, by increasing my profile in this way I’ll be able to stick my unwanted oar in on even more issues that don’t concern me.”

His first role is rumoured to be a remake of the 70s classic, stone-age epic, One Million Years BC, in which he will play a present-day Surrey stockbroker who stuns prospective female mates with a golf club before dragging them by the hair to his plush home in Dorking wearing mammoth skin underpants.