A pre-pubescent gibbon shrieks in alarm after spotting a passing High Court judge


There were further shocking revelations about the three High Court judges who made the ruling on the triggering of Article 50 on Wednesday last night after The Daily Mail revealed that there is no evidence to disprove that all three men aren’t debauched adult babies who slake their unnatural cravings by having wild sex romps with ladyboy gibbon prostitutes.

The Mail goes on to speculate that some of the unfortunate primates could even be underage and under the influence of mind-bending hallucinogens, and may have been forced at knifepoint to drink powerful, homemade hooch to make them more compliant to the debauched attentions of the sick and depraved judicial sex monsters.

This latest example of unfounded media conjecture will come as a bombshell to Brexit voters, already sickened by Wednesday’s revelation that one of the judges is a gay man who once represented his country in an Olympic fencing competition.

In its leader today, The Mail dubs the men “The Monkey Defiling Traitorous 3” and claims to have recorded testimony from a pre-pubescent gibbon who allegedly claims that one of the saucy legal giants wore a large nappy and a bonnet as he romped with him and 6 of his school-age brothers and sisters in a Mayfair flat; one of whom may have already been made pregnant by one of the other judges earlier in the evening.

This shocking revelation comes just a week after the paper revealed that Shadow Home Secretary, Diane Abbott, may once have had an unnaturally close relationship with Labour leader, Jeremy Corbyn’s West Highland Terrier.