porn-star
“All aboard the 8.17 to Victoria. There’s plenty of room inside!”

 

Southern Rail has announced that hardcore pornography will be shown on big screens at selected stations during the forthcoming series of train drivers strike later this month.

The surprise move from the beleaguered company is being seen as a public relations exercise aimed at providing a much-needed, pleasant diversion for frustrated commuters marooned on platforms during the industrial action.

Reaction from commuters we spoke to was mixed however. Mrs Tracy Dell, 56, a shop worker from Portsmouth, told us:

“I’m not against watching pornography per se, but I don’t think a crowded platform on a freezing cold morning is the right time or place, to be honest. I prefer to watch my racy bongo films in the warmth and comfort of my own home with a bottle of wine and with my Jumbo Vibro by my side.”

Gary Hoadley, 80, a market trader from Hove in Sussex, was equally scathing:

“What’s the point of watching hardcore grumble on the way to work? What happens if you get a bit hot under the collar? Are Southern Rail going to supply prozzies too? I bet they won’t even shell out for boxes of Kleenex in the bogs so that you can have a pedal and crank when it all gets a bit too much.”

Southern Rail remain upbeat about the proposal, however, and issued a statement last night:

“During the early days of the industrial action, we will be showing relatively tame material from the 80s, starring people like Big John Holmes and Ginger Lyn.

“However, if the strike looks like being a long and drawn out affair, we’ll spice things up a bit in the following days with some real, heavy-duty specialist stuff, such as bondage and S&M, mixed with some dwarf/amputee porn and those ones where blokes in rubber underpants drip candle wax onto women’s tits and growlers.”

Advertisements