Interim UKIP leader, Nigel Farage, was jubilant last night as he told reporters that his meeting on Saturday with President-elect, Donald Trump, has led to his being offered a temporary position as White House shoe shine boy.
A beaming Farage said: “This is a momentous day for myself and my family.
“President Trump – I don’t bother with the elect bit – has offered me a position as the official shoe shine boy at The White House on a probationary basis for three months, with the job becoming permanent if I show a willing attitude and display sufficient gratitude.
“I’m hoping, that if I show plenty of initiative and go about my daily shoe shining with a cheery demeanour, I may one day move up to being a washroom attendant or even Mr Trump’s personal valet.
“He was so kind during our two-minute meeting. It was like being in the friendly presence of a big old silverback gorilla
“However, any talk of advancement is looking way into the future. At the moment I’m just delighted to have the chance to kneel down with my brushes and tin of Kiwi in front of the likes of Newt Gingrich and Rudi Giuliani and buff their shoes to a high shine.
“Wait till the likes of losers like Nick Clegg and Corbyn get to hear about this. They’ll be spitting nails with sheer envy.”
A White House spokesman confirmed Farage’s claim last night “President-elect, Trump last night gave some no-account, lickspittle limey, a temporary job as White House shoe shine boy.
“Along with his shoe shining duties, he will be required to put on black face, and perform sex acts on visiting dignitaries when ordered. He has been made aware of this and seems to be perfectly happy with the arrangement”
Farage will be flying back to the UK this morning and has told friends he is looking forward to ordering brushes, polish and shoe-reconditioner from the Argos catalogue as soon as he gets home.