stacy slaughterhouse

This week, Tracy prepares and cooks a delicious, perennial favourite that all the family will enjoy: Hotdogs!

Hi everybody.

Now everyone loves hotdogs and I’m no exception. So this week I’m going to give you my recipe for an ethically sound and nutritious vegan version of this wonderful old favourite.

First, select a dog. You can get one of these for just a few pounds from your local dogs home or RSPCA care centre. For those on a budget, why not cut the cost by snatching one from the street, or simply coax your neighbour’s pet pooch into the kitchen with a few scraps of raw meat.

Next, bludgeon your dog to death with a blunt instrument. I like to use a baseball bat for this as the repeated pounding tenderises the meat nicely prior to cooking.

Finally, skewer the freshly-killed animal on a stake sharpened at both ends and suspend over an open fire for about an hour, turning occasionally.

Serve with some freshly battered field mice on a bed of strangled squirrels for a delicious and hearty vegan winter feast that all the family will enjoy.

Bon appetito!

NEXT WEEK: Tracy cooks up a storm with her trade mark speciality: Bludgeoned rabbit’s babies in a crushed goldfish sauce.

Tracy Slaughterhouse-Gore is sports correspondent for The Koala Bear Mangling Bugle