from our animals in deep shit correspondent, Danny ‘Attenborough’ SoZ
There was a stark warning for the people of Whitechapel last night after The World Wildlife Fund announced that the Tibetan lama could be extinct in the district within six weeks unless swift measures are taken to conserve the rare creature.
A WWF spokesman told us last night: “Without wishing to appear alarmist, we could well be witnessing the end of the Tibetan lama in Whitechapel in just weeks if people don’t take immediate steps to ensure its survival.
“We are asking for people in the borough to leave sacks of alfalfa or corn silage outside their front doors at night, as these are the llama’s favourites.
“They are also quite fond of milky porridge, so a small bowl or two left in back gardens would also be welcome. However, don’t give them Ready Brek as it gives them the shits”
People we spoke to were largely supportive of the move to preserve these shy creatures.
Mr Toby Dell, 54, a foundry worker, said: “I’m all in favour of it to be fair. I can’t remember the last time I saw a Tibetan llama around here so they’re definitely endangered”
However, some were not quite so receptive to the move. Mrs Mary Carter, a 27-year-old hairdresser and mother of two told us: “This is typical. We should look after our own llamas before we start catering for bloody foreign ones. I bet half of them are already on benefits. Send them all back to the jungle is what I say”
The WWF are convinced, that unless immediate action is taken, the Tibetan llama is doomed to share the same fate as the now extinct, ring-tailed lemur of Shoreditch and the Bethnal Green fat-arsed dolphin.