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from our gigantic fizzog correspondent, Danny SoZ

Under-fire darts legend, Eric ‘The Crafty Cockney’ Bristow, has told friends that he’s going to relocate to the massive face of pop icon, Olly Murs, to get away from angry critics, furious at his outburst on Twitter yesterday when he accused survivors of child sex abuse of being “wimps” for not seeking revenge on their abusers by beating them up.

A close friend told The Whitechapel Whelk: “Eric’s in absolute shit state at the moment. He’s terrified of being spotted in the street and set upon.

“His mum has told him to hide on Olly Murs’ gigantic dial for a few weeks until the scream’s off and that’s what he’s going to do”

Murs’ massive face has proved a popular hideaway for a number of celebrities seeking shelter from public retribution or a hungry media pack down the years.

Most famously, pop legend, Sir Cliff Richard, hid out on the wide open spaces of Murs’ forehead for 6 months when he was accused of mucking about with little kids, and even Prime Minister, Tony Blair, spent 3 months backpacking around Murs’ chin when the press were getting on his case about bombing Iraq in the 2nd Gulf War.

Olly Murs is now appearing as the Austro/Hungarian Empire in a stage production of Oh What A Lovely War! at The York Hall, Bethnal Green

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