Please forgive me for writing to you unbidden ma’am, but my situation is most  urgent and is causing me much anguish and disaffection and I truly feel I have no one else to turn to at this hour of my trial.

 My story is a long one ma’am but I shall endeavour to precis it thus. My childhood was most unhappy and I suffered great injustices at the hands of my tormentors down the years. Particularly at Lowood Girl’s School in Yorkshire where I spent my formative years after being orphaned as a child.

 After qualifying as a governess, I was fortunate enough to gain employment at a large house in Yorkshire, where my employer, Mr John Rochester, was most kind to me, although his aspect was often of a most sullen and rather brooding mien.

I must confess here and now Miss Brontosaurus that I lost my heart to him and often dream of a life as mistress of the house and as a good and loving wife to this dear man.

 Sadly, however, I have now learned that he is betrothed to another, a haughty and proud creature who is most disagreeable to me whenever our paths cross. I also suspect he has another claimant to his affections that he keeps captive in a small room at the top of the house, and who on occasion, visits my room where she tears my clothing and scatters my personal effects hither and thither. 

 I therefore implore you my dear Miss Brontosaurus to aid me in my plight and to advise me on how best to gain the love of the man I have come to hold in the highest regard and affection.

Yours most humbly

 Miss Jane Eyre

Thornefield Hall

Northumberland

                                                 *******************

 My Dearest Miss Eyre

 Have you tried ‘accidentally’ getting your dress caught in the door when entering his study so that it gets torn off, thereby affording him a cracking view of your tits and fanny?

 Your most affectionate and humble servant my dear

 Charlotte

by our torn bodice and Mr Darcy editor, Danny SoZ

Advertisements