“Pay what you owe love or I’ll get the boys to exterminate you”


from our space cadet and brass knuckles editor, Danny SoZ

A 53-year-old woman has told The Whitechapel Whelk that her former home in Commercial Road, Whitechapel was repossessed by Dr Who actor, Tom Baker, after she fell behind with a payday loan repayment.

Mrs Marie Tracy, a divorced housewife, told us that she answered the door last Thursday only for Baker and two other men, that Mrs Tracy described as, “heavies”,  to burst in and begin removing her furniture and valuables.

Mrs Tracy wept as she told us how the former Dr Who, now a frequent ‘voiceover’ for a number of unpleasant loan shark companies, manhandled her in the doorway while the other two men removed her possessions.

“He was quite rough and pinned me to the wall in the hall by the neck. He told me that my home was being repossessed and that all my stuff was going to auction.

“I was crying and told him that I used to like him as Dr Who and asked him why he was doing this. He then did that funny laugh and backhanded me across the face. He told me that all that was behind him now and that being a frontman and an enforcer for unscrupulous loansharking firms paid better money.

“Before he left, he laughed in my face and said “Don’t take it personally my dear. I’m punishing poor people all over Britain”

This news comes almost a year to the day since the bloke who plays Captain Kirk out of Star Trek came under fire for charging vulnerable elderly folk extortionate fees for carrying out sub-standard roof repairs.