from our odious bitch queen correspondent, Danny SoZ.

There was a nationwide outpouring of grief last night after controversial media personality, Katie Hopkins, announced on her radio phone-in show that she is hale and hearty and has “never felt better”

Hopkins, notorious for her far right views and for her frequent outbursts on immigration and for her crass condemnation of people of colour in general, dropped the health bombshell during her 10.00 am show on LBC yesterday.

Following a ranting tirade against striking junior doctors, during which she called for armed police to open fire on hospital picket lines, Hopkins alluded to her own battle against epilepsy and her recent brain surgery.

“Naturally, I’m quite grateful to the National Health Service for taking good care of me during my recent stay in hospital.

“However, I still maintain my position, that should any of my surgical team take industrial action against the imposition of unfair working conditions, they should be gunned down by the police like dogs.

“Fortunately, I doubt I will be requiring their services any further as I have never felt better”

Shortly after her announcement, people across Britain took to the internet in their millions, pouring out their grief at the news that she is unlikely to die at some point in the near future.

One woman we spoke to was almost beside herself and wept bitterly as she told us: “To lose so many celebrities this year and to then discover that Katie Hopkins doesn’t have an incurable terminal illness is just too much to bear.

“My whole family and all my friends are so shocked by this horrible turn of events. I’m absolutely numb, to be honest with you”

There was some rather more heartening news last night, however, when the far right, former UKIP leader, Nigel Farage, announced that he’d banged his head on a low beam in his local pub on Boxing Day resulting in a deep gash that required 12 stitches.