jo whelk meme


Dear Whitechapel Whelk

I’m going to propose marriage to pop legend, Kate Bush, to save her from the constant embarrassment of having a surname that is a smutty euphemism for the female sexual organ.

Tony Throbbing-Loveshaft



Dear Whitechapel Whelk

As an international weightlifter, I have managed to alleviate suspicion that I’m using performance enhancing steroids by pretending to be unable to raise the bar from the ground during competitions.

Oleg Groinstrain



Dear Whitechapel Whelk

Create your very own revolutionary, Google Driverless Car “Where nobody’s in control” by drinking 12 pints of lager in the pub before driving home.

Gus Womensproblems

The Punjab


Dear Whitechapel Whelk

Christians tell us that God is omnipresent and that he’s in all places at all times. Well if that’s the case, he must have been in Spearmint Rhino strip club in Shaftsbury Avenue, West London, last night, watching women taking their clothes off for cash. Perhaps these so-called, devout, bible thumpers could tell me what the bloody hell he was doing in there?

I would also consider it a personal favour if they could also ask Him where I’ve parked my car as I’ve been drinking heavily and can’t find it.

Toby Vaginal-Dryness