Miss Roberts looking as rough as sandpaper as she arrives to meet her teammates earlier


Nicola Roberts, the ginger one from Girls Aloud that nobody fancied, has signed a 3-year deal to play for East London soccer minnows, Leyton Orient FC, who are currently languishing in the lower reaches of English league football.

Miss Roberts, who was a better singer than the others, but who was always made to stand behind the other girls at photo shoots due to her unpleasant appearance, is expected to turn out for “The Os” this Saturday in the vital relegation clash against Cambridge United.

Formerly a fleet-footed winger who had trials for both West Ham United and Glasgow Celtic in the early 90s, Roberts has now piled on the pounds and at 14 stone she is expected to line up in the centre of the Orient defence for Saturday’s crucial clash.

Orient boss, Andy Edwards, told a press conference that Nicola had been brought in “to stiffen up the back four.” To which one journalist retorted: “You’ll have to give them at least 10 pints and stick a bag over her head first mate”

Roberts is not the first member of a girl band to play professional association football. In 1978, Supremes star, Diana Ross, led the West Ham United forward line, scoring 21 goals in 19 appearances for The Hammers including a 4 goal haul at Highbury against a full-strength Arsenal side.