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There was jubilation amongst the population of Whitechapel in East London last night after they were named as The European District of Rupture for the second time in 10 years.

The prestigious award was given to the area due to the extremely high proportion of residents who have suffered from ruptures – mainly testicular – since January 2015.

One man from Sidney Street told The Whitechapel Whelk: “This is fantastic news and no more than we deserve. I ruptured myself 5 times in March and so did my wife. None of our kids have ruptured themselves yet, but it’s early days and we’re keeping a close eye on them for any signs of testicular swelling or acute discomfort in the groin area”

Whitechapel’s Mayor, Toby Dell, 87, told us: “When we were named European District of Rupture in 2006 I thought it was just a one-off, to be honest. To receive the award again in such a short space of time is unbelievable and a testament to the local people who have really stepped up to the plate when it comes to rupturing themselves”

A spokesperson for The Royal London Hospital in Whitechapel said last night “While I agree that it’s a tremendous fillip for the area, it does have a negative side in that a number of our surgical registrars have quit their jobs, due to the amount of ruptures they have to deal with on a daily basis. Only last week, one of our consultants had to sign off sick after his heavy workload caused him to rupture himself.”

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