from our dearly departed religious extremists correspondent, Danny SoZ
Ex-Iranian president, Akbar Hashemi Rafsanjani, or “Raffa” as he was known down at the Tehran Working Men’s Club, died yesterday after a long battle against chilblains.
He was a moderating influence in Iranian politics and a fine billiards player, who once amassed a magnificent break of 1501 in the 1957 world championship at Bradford Civic Centre against the great John Pulman, eventually losing the match by 78 frames to 77 in a pulsating, final frame finale.
He was also an all-star cook whose recipe for Irish Stew has been copied by culinary greats the world over, and whose coconut macaroons were described by baking doyen, Mary Berry, as “top fucking drawer!”
He leaves 12 wives and 245 children who will miss his cheery, never-say-die attitude and his late-night homilies on destroying the infidel and smashing The Great Satan.
We will not see his like again. RIP Raffa old son and all the very best for the future.
The Whitechapel Whelk 
January 9, 2017 at 7:13 am
As a mark of respect at his passing, I myself shall not pass wind all day.
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January 9, 2017 at 7:45 am
In that case, it might be an idea to give the sprout ragu in a kidney bean hot chilli sauce a miss today.
Otherwise, I can foresee fraught times at the afternoon board meeting 😦
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January 9, 2017 at 7:49 am
Very good advice. Also it hilarious that you think I might go to board meetings. All I had planned for this afternoon was a little light shoplifting.
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January 9, 2017 at 9:32 pm
Hilarious!
I was once asked by our local newspaper, THE SWEET HOME BEE, to write an “obit” (that’s newspaper “lingo” for obituary) ( lingo is lingo for language) for a close friend and local celebrity (one person NOT two) who died “suddenly.” (“Suddenly” is Coroner’s lingo for mysterious circumstances.) The assistant editor of the paper (the managing editor was out of town attending a convention with his “secretary”) (“secretary” is Executive Suite lingo for “betcha got a chick on the side”) (“betcha got a chick on the side” is “street” lingo for co-respondent) advice; “Buffalo Tom, please try to whittle your comments down to one or two paragraphs and please don’t try to explain things using parentheses.” (I’m guessing that he thought that would confuse the “yokels”) (“yokels” is “Showbiz” lingo for local folks) (“Showbiz” is Showbiz lingo for Show Business) but I digress… I feel like I should go back and explain what “street” “Executive Suite”, and “whittle down” means just for the sake of clarity…
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January 10, 2017 at 1:10 pm
I died suddenly once, Tom. Jay Z shot me in the back in a jealous rage. Apparently Beyonce kept calling out my name in the throes of passion. The crazy, mixed-up, besotted kid. Still, she’s only human I guess 😦
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January 10, 2017 at 2:32 pm
I can definitely believe that! Had I known, at the time, I would have written an obit for you. 👍👍 you appear to have staged a remarkable recovery!
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January 14, 2017 at 7:31 pm
The First CSA Militia (1861) will be in his heaven to torture him. They think the Koran says “virgins”. Dramatic misprint. Should read American Virginians.
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January 15, 2017 at 6:47 am
Ha! Made me smile did that 🙂
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